I spent awhile today looking at online pictures of the two T.a.t.u. girls. I think they look really hotsexycute. They're young, they're Russian, they're exotic.

I've just about gotten over the tense feelings I had earlier this week when I first moved out of the old place and into the new place.

Yesterday, when I went over to my new place (room still sans bed) to pack my overnight bag (which I hope I'll be doing less often in the near future), two cute little white dogs greeted me at the door! They're my roommates' sister's Maltese dogs. One of them is the son of the other, who is pregnant with her second litter. When the mom has puppies in two weeks, my roommate is gonna keep two.

I'll get to live with puppies! Adorable ones! (Here are some pictures of Maltese puppies.)

Memorial Day Weekend

Fri nite. We watched Barton Fink on DVD. I'd seen it before. Great characters, just like in the The Big Lebowski. The Barton Fink/Fargo soundtrack is good too.

Saturday. We headed up to Berkeley for brunch at Top Dog and Fat Slice. We checked out a couple stores on Bancroft and Telegraph for sweatshirts and t-shirts, but didn't see anything we liked enough to buy. Shattuck Avenue seems to be turning into more of a downtown street than it was when I lived there. The whole East Bay still looks and seems dead and out of business compared to the rest of the Bay Area. The "massage studio" under my old apartment complex on Shattuck and Haste is still there; a lot of the other stores in the vicinity have changed. No matter how much that happens within Berkeley, it's is still same ol' Berkeley. And I still feel as if I've left a bit of my heart in Berkeley. But if I could live in Berkeley in my own studio or 1bdrm apt completely rent-free, would I? Probably not. No. Living in CV with my parents would be rent-free too. In both cases, the losses and emotional costs wouldn't be worth the free rent.

We watched Matrix Reloaded, again, at the newer theater in Emeryville (an AMC? The popcorn was better than it usually is at Century theatres.) French dude ("Merovingian") in the movie looks like Jennifer Garner. His lips, his eyes... He was arrogant and perverse, and rather hot. Played-up French accents are quite sexy. French dude was bad and hot and sexy all at once.

There's those kinds of people that you meet... and you really don't like them that much, don't like how they think, don't like how they live their lives, don't like their methods, their ways, their idiosyncrasies. You don't like them, and YET, your body does. And there is an uneasy, unrelenting, undeniable, sexual chemistry. It's crazy, but what can you do about it...

Back on the Peninsula, I got my key for the new place, bought an el cheapo blue rug from Home Depot, and moved. Then around 9pm, we got a #6 from Taco Bell for dinner.

Sunday. We took BART to the A's game. Went hella early (well, around 10am; the game started at 1pm) to stand in line for a Zito bobblehead. Didn't get one. We were about 200 people away from the turnstyles when they ran out at our gate (gate B?). Cotton candy and Gordon Biersch garlic fries and a Gordon Biersch big dog nearly made up for the disappointment. We left the game early (around the 8th inning?) 'cuz it looked like the A's were gonna lose. Turns out they won, I think. (I need to make a conscious effort to remember details better...)

With the rest of the day and nite, I bought a bed at Matress Discounters, had dinner at Baja Fresh, and played some poker.

Monday. At noon, we went down to Mountain View for a BBQ. One of the guys made some really tasty kalbi, and his gf made some really tasty sauce for the corn. We were out in the sun for at least seven hours. I didn't bring a swimsuit 'cuz I didn't think anyone else was actually going to swim, and I don't have a swimsuit that chlorine didn't badly fade and burn holes through last summer. I need to get a new swimsuit soon so I can start creating racy bikini tan lines.

We watched Monsters Inc. at our friends' place afterwards. I must've been in a bad mood the first time I saw it 'cuz I enjoyed it much more the second time. I really like when guys like these kinds of movies and find them cute and touching. The movie made me think about babies... and sex. I couldn't wait to go home and get it on. I'd been waiting all week to get off the rag so I could have sex.

Maybe it's 'cuz it's finally summer, and the weather is very warm and balmy, just the way I like it, that I've been feeling very prurient lately. Like, constantly. And if what they say is correct for all women, I'm not even close to my sexual peak yet!

I moved out of the place in Foster City last nite. It took about two hours to move just about everything to the new place in San Mateo. I set up my new room tonite. Now everything's in place but the bed. I'll be picking the bed up from the store on Friday.

I bought a new queen-size bed today. Felt sick afterwards. I haven't spent so much on a single purchase in a long, long time... maybe ever.

Moving is always an emotional experience for me. I feel anxious. I feel both bad and good to have moved to a new place. I am worried about new expectations from new roommates. I am worried about negative changes I'm unprepared for. I'm looking forward to positive changes that I know are going to happen.

Mainly, I'm afraid of making decisions, especially those involving a lot of money, based on what I hope for the future... and regretting those decisions on the future, when things are not as I hoped.

I am being too sensitive right now. I need hugs. I need kisses. I need signs of affection. I need to feel I have a home. I want this new place to feel more like my home than the last three places I've lived in the last four years.

I was thinking last nite, there really isn't enough male nudity on TV shows and in movies. They really should show more completely naked men or more male private parts.

On screen, female private parts are always peeking or poking out of the sheer, tight, and tiny pieces of clothing they wear. Though bare boobies, bellies, and butts - all female - are lovely, it would be nice to have more of a balance. Show me just as many pecs and six-packs and asses. Show me more half-naked men in butt- and package- enhancing or revealing clothing. Tall, hard, hot, worked-out, young and sexy men in thongs. I'd like to see a lot more of that in TV shows and movies.

Oh, I saw Matrix Reloaded on Monday nite.

Something I immediately noticed is there's relatively a high percentage of African American and Asian characters in the movie, along with white people of varying nationalities, in more key roles than they usually have in the majority of movies. That in itself isn't strange. What seems strange is the complete absence of Hispanic/Latino characters. I don't remember seeing a single Hispanic/Latino person in the whole movie. Come to think of it, I don't remember seeing any in the first movie either. Do you? Where/when?

What's up with that? Were Hispanic/Latino characters/actors purposely left out of these two movies? Could it have just been an oversight? A pretty huge one, if so, I'd say... Or maybe they've all been saved for the 3rd movie? For some reason, I doubt that.

I told one of the guys in my building at work today about this after he noticed the damage on my rear bumper... and he told me that we get a year to report hit-and-runs, and that I have all I need (license plate number and the contact info of the person who hit me) to file a small claim at a small claims court.

It would cost me about 25bux to file the claim within a court, and would also cost me some time out of my life to make the calls, get estimates and such. But it would be worth it in the end, whether or not I end up collecting from the bitch. It'd be a small adventure for me, at least.

Ok. I know I said no to love songs... but this one's just so so darn pretty!

Daniel Bedingfield - If You're Not the One

Fuck, fuck, fuck. I have a poison oak rash AGAIN.

Same places as last time... on my face. Those places have been hypersensitive since January. I'm trying to figure out where and when I could've gotten in contact with poison oak this time. Perhaps while in Golden Gate Park on Sunday after finishing the Bay to Breakers... But I didn't see any poison oak plants there, and didn't think there are any in the park. Argh.... I'm thinking of going in to see the dermatologist tomorrow, even before I get a referral from my PCP, to get a prescription for prednisone. Gotta stop this thing before it becomes a repeat of the last episode...

I watched The Godfather last nite on DVD... another movie I hadn't seen until now. Very engrossing, very powerful movie. When it was over, I was speechless. I'd just watched a great movie... and I felt sad. I was cranky and sad and speechless.

I was very sad for all the women in the movie. There were but a few. And they were disfigured, beaten, lied to, cheated on, abandoned, frequently told to shut up, killed, taken advantage of, bullied... I felt for the women, and then I cried for the women.

I've haven't seen such a chilling domestic abuse scene on film in a long time. I can't really remember the last time I even saw one that made me hurt on the inside as much. Maybe it's the fact that Carlo used his belt on Connie... and I could feel the sting of each heavy whip, the same sting I felt by a belt a couple times when I was young.

Or maybe it was the way that Michael Corleone spoke to Kay, slamming his hand down on the desk for emphasis. "Enough!" "My business is my business!" ...the same manner and tone I used to see and hear at home.

Me (4:45:25 PM): sometimes i'm aware that i'm waiting for time to go by quickly... while simultaneously hoping that it will slow down...
Me (4:45:44 PM): and that gets me in a funk.
Him (4:46:43 PM): oh
Him (4:46:44 PM): :-(
Him (4:46:46 PM): go home then
Him (4:46:48 PM): and go run
Him (4:46:54 PM): i'm sure that'll make you feel better
Me (4:47:38 PM): yeah, i just can't wait to see the rest of the world... is all.

One of the things I do within this blog that I've noticed is that I use both "night" and "nite" interchangeably.

I use both at random, it seems. Sometimes I use both the word and its variation within the same post. I'd like to be more consistent. Use just one or the other all the time. Or use "nite" to refer to an occasion or a period of time, after work or after 4pm, in which I'm doing stuff, and use "night" to refer more specifically to any time when the sun is not visible above the horizon.

Try this.

The name report for "Jennie" describes me pretty well:

"Your first name of Jennie has made you a friendly, approachable, and generous person. Generally you are good-natured, though at times you can be blunt and sarcastic. As you are naturally talkative, you find it easy to meet and make friends with many people. This name inclines you to be sympathetic and generous to those in difficult or unfortunate circumstances. You can be firm, positive, and independent in your own ideas and in reaching your own decisions, yet when it comes to taking action or following things through to completion, you often need encouragement. You respond quickly to kind words or any appreciation shown you. There are artistic, creative abilities in this name that you could express through music or singing, or, in a practical way, through sewing or interior decorating. You enjoy freedom from monotony and are stimulated by unexpected opportunities for meeting people, entertaining, or pursuing activities of a carefree nature. In your work, you find it difficult to be neat and orderly. You rarely plan things ahead of time, or follow a routine. Emotion and feeling, the desire to be carefree, friendly, and happy, are the driving forces in your being, rather than shrewdness, ambition, and material success. You could experience headaches, or problems with your teeth, ears, eyes, or sinuses. Health weaknesses relative to the functioning of the liver could appear."

Though, as it says, I'm naturally talkative, I'm also shy. Among groups of people, I'm often pretty quiet... which some people who don't know me well might mistake for dissatisfaction or unhappiness, or something negative like that. (Poo on them!) Once I'm comfortable and/or close, it can be hard to get me to stop talking. :)

STUPID ASIAN FEMALE DRIVERS!!

None o' y'all can drive!! You might think you can... but you really can't.

Doesn't matter what kinda car you drive... You still can't drive it!

And yeah, I am qualified to say this, though I'm an Asian female driver myself... because I drive better than all of you combined!! Ok, maybe that's a slight exaggeration, but very slight one, mind you...

...'cuz you're all fucking sucky loser bitches on wheels!

Every last one of you.

Matthew von Ertfelda has had more of an impact on me than a participant in a reality TV show contest probably should. His favorite quote has been ringing in my ears these last couple of days...

"The things you regret most in life are the risks you didn't take."

Would I be willing, at this point in my life, to pursue adventure at the expense of current happiness and comfort? Since yesterday, I've felt just about ready to say yes...

Believe and live as if your ideal is the Truth and will come to pass... until or unless you encounter convincing reasons to believe it won't, and/or you discover proof otherwise.

I have a GREAT collection of friends.

The people I've seen and heard from in the last couple of days... the ones from my childhood, HS, and college I can count on my hands. A lot of those friends have been living outside of this area for awhile.

Three years ago, I didn't know any of the people who celebrated with me on Thurs and Fri nites, except one... and I met all the others directly or indirectly through that friend. Maybe most of them were there because I'd gone to their birthday dinners, but evenso...

I am SO grateful to know such good people.

Just so I don't forget this weekend, here it is...

Thurs nite. Had dinner at Max' Opera Cafe in PA with the "rollerhockey group," which consists of the friends I met when I started playing rollerhockey, and their friends and significant others who I've subsequently gotten to know. I got two cool and befitting gifts... a Dyna-Flex, and a book titled Hot Sex: How to Do It.

Fri nite. Had dinner at Straits Cafe in PA with the "Cornell group," which consists of the Cornell alums that I met through Dave, the last ex, and their significant others who I've subsequently gotten to know. More gifts, one thoughtful and one a bit baffling... Bobbi Brown pressed powder in Warm Natural, and a stuffed fluffy yellow ducky.

I got a stuffed fluffy yellow ducky from my brother for Christmas too. What's up with people giving me stuffed fluffy yellow duckies as presents? Do I subconsicously emit some sort of an affinity or connection to ducks? I don't like ducks in particular, but I don't not like them either...

After dinner, I was up for drinking or games or both. I couldn't tell if the majority of the group felt like hanging out into the nite, and I didn't want to push anyone into staying out past their budgets and/or bedtimes. So the two of us headed over to another friend's place to play poker.

He got me a Victoria's Secret gift certificate, a check to use toward a new laptop, and a card with a meaningful note on the inside.

Saturday. We watched Fast Times at Ridgemont High on DVD when we finally got out of bed. I'd never seen the movie before. I think it's pretty good (I give it a 7), especially for it's genre and for its time. Though it was made in the early 1980's, and it portrays more-or-less typical high-schoolers and typical issues at that time, it's surprisingly very real and timeless. The characters are real and timeless, and the issues are real and timeless. The clothing and hairstyles in the movie aren't too glaringly 80's, or they don't make up a huge part of the plot or the success of the movie, which I appreciate. I mean, one didn't have to have a good knowledge of or get into the mindset of the 80's to understand and enjoy the movie.

And maybe this is because during the early 80's, when I still hadn't come out of the bomb shelter that was my parents' home... but I find the movie admirably bold in its presentation of certain issues. During a time when "just say no" to drugs, abstinence, and pro-life sentiments were everywhere n media and entertainment geared toward youngsters, the movie dares to show these issues in a matter-of-fact way... almost condoning or excusing them as part of the growing up experience. I like that.

Or maybe now I enjoy movies and shows about typical or caricatured typical teen life more and more, as my own teen era moves farther and farther away into the past.

We drove down to Mountain View. First stop Fry's. Next stop In 'N Out. I've had the cheeseburger "protein-style" twice now, and I recommend you try it that way, if you haven't already. Without the bread, you can taste the meat better. And the extra moistness from the lettuce brings out the freshness of the other veggies. It was a really warm afternoon, so we ate lunch on a park bench.

Whenever I spend time in Mountain View and other South Bay cities (like Sunnyvale and Cupertino), I feel a little uneasy and resistant to liking those areas. I'm reminded of the years I lived down there, right out of college. For days and more days, it was just me and my ex in the middle of the bright, sunny, slow and sprawling suburbia. I felt settled and married. Domestically blissful? Hardly. It seems as if more of my friends are migrating further and further south each year. They've bought houses there. One day, I may feel compelled to return...

After dinner at Hotaru, we watched Strangers on a Train on DVD... another movie that pleaseantly surprised me (I give it a 7.5). I thought it would be a strange and hardly believable, melodramatic and cheesy, embarrassingly sexist, black & white movie because it was made in the early 1950's. The movie turned out to be a lot more visually captivating and suspenseful than I thought old movies were cable of being... and it seemed quite well-directed. It's a Hitchcock movie, after all. Beautiful lights & shadows cast in fantastical scenes. Faces and eyes sparkled and glimmered in the forever twilight. I'd watch more of these oldies but goodies in the future.

Around 1am, I had a bout of food poisoning. Those of you who have had it before know it's utter misery. Stabbing pains in the gut. Cold sweating. Sitting and shitting. Moaning on the floor in the fetal position between waves. I was on and off the toilet seat a buncha times... and about seven flushes later and one and a half bottles of water later, I was all done.

Sunday. For mom, on Mother's Day, I went to church. That's what she said she wanted for Mother's Day. The church my parents currently attend has a really small congregation, with under 20 regular members. I usually nod like crazy during the sermons. But this was Mother's Day, so I tried hard and managed not to nod more than once (I think)... all the while, zoned out and thinking about sex and other exciting and sinful subjects.

We watched the Survivor: The Amazon finale. It's the best Survivor show I've watched to date. Beginning with a male team vs. a female team was ingenious, and really brought to the surface the differences in the way the two genders behave among the same gender and the opposite gender. Also brought to the surface are the effects of different individual characteristics within single-gender and coed groups. The social hierarchy. It was how it is in real society...

The young, dumb males are at the bottom of the barrel among the other males. The fat, old women are the first to go among the other females. In the coed group, the smart, old women and the old-fashioned, cocky men go first. The young, smart, yet not-as-beautiful are beat out by the young, smart, strong, and better-looking. The strong and crafty men battle it out alongside the young, beautiful women and those who are lucky to have escaped the chopping block. The crafty, yet wimpier man eventually falls to the strong, yet smart man. In the end, if the woman wins, it's because she got lucky or a man carried her up to the top with him and let her win.

Jenna didn't deserve to win. She didn't do jack shit to get herself to the final two.

I noticed Matt from the beginning, and rooted for him until the show started making him appear to have lost his marbles. I read this about Matt's strategy, and I believe it... I believe he really had everyone fooled, played the game for the adventure and for the thrill of making it to the final two, and never planned or cared to win the sole survivor title. In the end, he wanted to bring Jenna to the final two... because the idea of setting her up to win, the girl who couldn't do anything by herself, was just as big of a thrill as winning Survivor himself.

Matt seems like a unique and interesting guy with a killer bod, a kind heart, and a genuine "to give is better than to receive" attitude. I like him even better than I liked Ethan Zohn of Survivor: Africa. I am so starstruck. I'd really to meet the Matt, learn from him, go on one of his adventures with him. I tried to find his contact information online... an email address or an address. Not surprisingly, I couldn't find anything.

Matt, if you've found this and you're intrigued, take me with you on your next adventure!

I feel as if, all my life, I've shown other people my world, small though it is, and I've shared with people all that I know and think and feel. I am so ready for someone to come into my life and show me his/her much bigger world, and share with me more than I've ever had and/or experienced. Now I've put Matt on a pedestal, imagining he is someone who could do so, if he cared to...

Twenty-eight years ago today, they cut her belly open and pulled me out... and I began what I'm hoping is the very first of a great many of my lives.

That is my ideal... that this current life of mine is only my beginning, that I will remain conscious after the end of this life and live subsequent life after life after life in new world after new world after new world... and that within these other lives, I will have the ability to know of my past lives. And each new life and new world that I live in would be one of further enlightenment and accomplishment.

I hope to exist forever... or until I am absolutely ready to give up my existence.

Life is SO precious... and gets more and more precious to me the longer I have it.

I watched last Sunday's episode of Alias two nites ago, and watched the season finale last nite. I think Sydney should've blown off fake Francie's head. And Vaughn sold out, so I hope they bring in a new mouth-watering hunk to have the hots for Sydney next season. I'm amazed at the way the story-writers keep the show going, and going so well. Now what am I going to look forward to watching on Sunday nites? Ah, Netflix will provide...

I also watched Waking Life on DVD last nite. The rotoscoping was quite distracting. I'm guessing that was intentional. A side-effect is that if you find the subject matter within the movie interesting at all, you'll be compelled to watch the movie again to catch what you missed.

I missed a lot. Each person that the dreamer in the movie encountered was presenting intellectual yet theoretical ideas about reality and dreams, but I couldn't follow a lot of their brisk, wordy dialog because I was quite occupied trying to keep up with the constantly jiggling and changing visuals. Everything was moving too quickly for much to sink in. When I was able to get what was being said, a quarter of it was thought-provoking, and the rest of was something you and I might ourselves come up with if we were hella bored one day and decided to come up with our own theories about reality and dreams...

I'd give the movie a few points for originality, which may not really be deserved. I just haven't seen any other completely rotoscoped movies.

Meant to post this sometime prior to today...

Friday nite. We ate dinner at New Bamboo in PA. The samosa there is so good. If I could, I would have some right now, and I would have some later too...

We checked out the Mac store afterwards, since they were having an event centered around the new iPod. He bought himself a black iPod t-shirt for 10bux. He's so cute in that nerdy sort of way that I really like.

We watched Bottle Rocket on DVD. The deadpan humor fell pretty dead on me. I felt as if I was supposed to get more out of the movie, but didn't. The two main characters were somewhat endearing, and I really hoped they would remain misguided but happy through the end of the movie. And they did. It wasn't a bad movie... just an easily forgettable one.

Saturday. We went up to the city to watch Ghosts of the Abyss. Seeing the ocean deep through a 3D movie on an IMAX screen is enough of the underwater experience for me. I shiver at the thought of actually being even a few feet under. Underwater life creeps me out. There is so much life per square inch, and it all looks so alien. Soft and slimy, gelatinous, spiny, poisonous, luminous, with rows of sharp teeth and cold blood... I imagine millions of microbes would penetrate my skin and orifices to make their new homes within my warm interior. I've never scuba-dived to this day, don't really want to, and wouldn't spend the lot of money to try it out unless I run out of other new and possibly thrilling adventures to spend on. But I'd rather scuba-dive than sky-dive.

We shopped around Union Square for shoes. This is the nth time I've attempted to find and buy some casual shoes. I ended up buying these 'cuz I was so sick of looking, and my feet were in pain.

I went back to my place around 6pm to pick up my workout clothes. My roommates were still at home getting ready to go out to dinner for one of my roommate's bday. I didn't want to be asked why I wasn't going to the dinner, so I snuck into my room and hid out until they left. By then it was too late to go to the gym before dinner. The things I give up to avoid confrontation... I can't wait to move into the new place.

We headed down to a friend's place after dinner for game nite. We were told to be there at 8. Everyone else showed up after 10. We played Taboo, Cranium, and Mafia. I wanted mix in some poker games, but tried not to be too obvious about that. Now I'm conscious of sounding over-eager to play all the time... like, now I'm an addict, or becoming one.

My friend had this Dyna-Flex thing that we couldn't put down. Once you get it going, you have to fight the motion to get it to go faster. The faster it goes, the more resistance you feel. It moves your forearms muscles in a way that burns and pleases at the same time. I'd get one for myself if it was only 5bux.

Sunday. We caught a matinee showing of X2 down at the Great Mall. The popcorn was a letdown (dry and not enough butter), but the movie was better than I expected it to be. Big part of why is that the mutants were such eye-candy. Storm, Jean, Mystique, Asian-woman-with-claws (didn't catch her name), Wolverine... *melt* Normally, I don't enjoy watching Halle Berry on-screen, but she was yummy in her long white hair in the movie. Famke Janssen was so exotic that it hurt to see her character die. I thought it was kinda interesting how Mystique chose to look like Rebecca Romijn-Stamos when she needed to look like a hot woman.

My brother messaged me sometime after 4:30pm over phone about his birthday dinner being at 5. Thanks for letting me know in advance. My family always seems to think I should be ready at their beck and call. I rushed back home from Milpitas and then over to Castro Valley. I hate rushing. Our family had dinner at the family's old longtime favorite Italian restaurant, Bancheros.

Josh is 26 now. I want to give him bday gift that would get him out of the house, at least temporarily, and expose him to more of the real world... with hopes that he will like what he sees and be slowly drawn out into it more and more. I'm thinking, two tickets to a show in SF for him and his gf might work.

I'm here because I don't know where else to be.

Yeah, I'm still working on developing a poker-face and learning how to lose games with grace. I still have a ways to go, but my personal goal of banishing the negative and unattractive side of my competitive spirit is closer in sight.

Now I understand how it feels to have a lucky streak during a nite of playing cards.

I'd watch other people go on rolls, be on fire all nite... and I'd feel bitter about it, horrible hand after horrible hand. I wasn't quiet or subtle about my displeasure over their fortune at the expense of my misfortune, even though (I know, I know) it's just a game.

I guess I was bothered 'cuz I felt that other people's lucky hands distort their view and other people's views, including mine, of how well they and I play. Sometimes other people's luck would make me feel as if I wasn't playing as smart. I imagined the lucky thought they were pretty darn skillful, moreso than lucky... and that their luck was going to their heads. Sometimes they'd talk cocky, or play with a condescending arrogance that pissed me off.

I never really thought the luck would eventually come around to me, though chances are it hits every person who plays often enough every so often. I got crazy lucky last nite, so now I know how it really feels. It was a big rush. It was hard to resist feeling that I was the one controlling the game, not my luck. It was a whole 'nother game with chip power and pot-limit betting (which is less limited than how we usually play).

My streak lasted about 6 hours, until 5am and through the last hand. Though I was dog tired, I couldn't go to sleep on my first lucky break of the season. I don't expect it come happen again soon. I'm betting that it's when you don't expect something that it happens...

I've got a place to live after the end of May. Said yes yesterday. It's in San Mateo, and it's clean! The woman's 33, but I swear she doesn't look a year older than 27. She's Korean. The guy's 29, and the woman says he's never home. They both work at Oracle. I'm looking forward to living with and maybe also hanging out with people who are older than I am.