My softball team won our first game of the season on Monday.

We played against the other worst team in the league, and beat them by one run. Some of my teammates were excited and encouraged by this win. Am I? Nah... Beating the losingest team is not winning. It's just saving our own asses from being the losingest. We definitely need more practice.

I've managed to not miss any softball games after the night I did something like pull a muscle in my leg. (I didn't see a doctor to find out what actually happened. I have a habit of rushing to the internet first for information on anything and everything. After hours of obsessive googling, I find none of the info I really need. All the evidence points to a slow and painful death 30 days from onset of my symptoms...) The leg still hurts a little when I sprint, but it's much better than it was the night I injured it. I took an Advil before bed that night, and four days later, I was running again.

I've realized that I have gone through life with relatively little physical pain. I guess most of us have. It's hard to revel in that when others around me are ailing... and they like to tell me about it.

Of course I feel bad for them. I also feel overwhelmed. I can't grasp the pain they feel. I can imagine it... but not really. I know that in most cases it's not their fault that they're less healthy and strong, but can't help resenting them when they verbally share with me their physical limitations and ongoing pain... which becomes my emotional pain, as I deal with an inability to empathize and the awkwardness of being unable to really help them, and as I struggle to be a good listener and think of the right things to say.

I'm not callous. I'm just not a doctor.