I did something for me this weekend. I had pictures taken of myself.

After turning 30, I felt the need to do it, not just to document how I look before it all goes to crap, but also for the sake of vanity and self-esteem. I needed to feel sexy and glamorous again, and I figured some artsy, and heavily Photoshop'd digital pictures could help.

I haven't seen the pictures yet. But I wouldn't mind that much if they turn out less than glorious. The experience itself was worth the time and money.

The photo session took place at the photographer's appartment in SF. The place was impeccably clean and smelled lightly of male musk. The photographer was dressed casually but neatly, had a hint of a French accent, and was neither old nor unattractive. I was a bit nervous at first, but the awkwardness quickly melted away after a few minutes in front of the camera. Before long, I felt connected to the lens in ways I've only been connected to people.

The whole photographer/photgraphee interaction was unexpectedly HOT. Unintentionally sensual. I am not often the object of such intense focus or careful manipulation. Throughout the session, the photographer told me what to do with my head, my hands, my back, my eyes, my mouth. "Open your mouth a little bit more..." The attention was intoxicating and flattering. At times he would need to move parts of my body into position with his own hands. He painstakingly fiddled with my hair, took extra care to get it just the way he wanted... which was more than fine for me, considering that I have a bit of a hair fetish.

Toward the end of the three-hour session, the photographer wet my hair with water to get a certain look for a shot. And while he crouched in front of me to separate the wet strands of my hair, his knees straddled mine ever so gently for a couple of seconds. The heat upon contact was so electrifying that I could hardly breathe through those seconds. I don't think it was nearly as good for him as it was for me...

I was actually sore the next day from arching my back, throwing my shoulders back and holding difficult poses, as I was instructed to do over and over.

But I've felt changed after the photo session. I feel as if I've had a mini re-awakening. I feel ignited. I feel glamorous and sexy again! It probably wasn't as much the photographer as it was the exhilarating experience of playing a model for a day that has had such an effect on me.

It was exactly what I needed at the moment.