We attended a friend's wedding yesterday... the first of the weddings-to-come among our "poker friends".

(The other three couples in the poker group got engaged just within the last two months. Amazingly, without conspiring, they all managed to do so within weeks of each other. Up until now, I've been saying "I just don't want to be the last one [to get married]." Now that I've been suddenly thrust into one of the last positions, I'm not sure I'm as relucatant to be in it. I'm still not sure if I'm ready to be engaged and married, but I'm also not sure why not if not.)

It was great celebrating with our friends who were at the wedding. I feel so lucky to have the friends that I have. They are my friends, even though I'm old and boring and don't feel as if I have much to contribute in the way of interesting conversation, advice or assistance. My friends seem to have a higher tolerance for my quirks than I have for theirs. Even though I complain about their idiosyncracies and limitations, and about the group dynamics, I really do like spending time and sharing moments with them. I do value our friendships.

Sometimes I tell Babe that we should find new friends and start hanging out regularly with a different set of friends, since so many of the people within the group with whom we hang out the most often are already engaged or married. But I'm just joking.

I do wish I could have closer and deeper friendships with a few more friends. As it is, I feel close to only two or three people. I feel as if I have deep friendships with even fewer people, and the deepness within my friendships is not constant. Often, it is there at the beginning of the relationship, and then goes away due to happenstance and poor maintenance.

I need be more interesting, engaging and likeable. I need to improve my communication with my friends and acquaintances. I need to ask more questions. I don't ask enough, fearful of prying, preferring to guess the answers. (It is fun to infer things. And imagined things are often more amusing.) But not asking questions makes me seem uncaring and uninterested in people's lives. I am interested, and I would like to be more involved.

I've decided to try this for a week: I will actually ask any questions that are in my mind that I'd need to ask a friend to know the answer.