I vacillate between deciding to be ordinary or to be great. I feel as if I'm somewhere in the middle of both, that ordinary and great are on opposite sides of me, quite a distance away, and that it would require a lot of effort on my part to head toward either. Go one way, and it'd be twice as hard and would take twice as long to change directions if I realized I went the wrong way. Then my life will end, and I may not have made the most of it.

There are and have been many great artists and entertainers, great scientists and technologists, great politicians and humanitarians. Which should I pick to try to become? Realistically, it would probably take more than the rest of my life to even come close to becoming a great anything. Should I even try? If it was even possible for me to become great, would I be satisfied being only great at one thing? What if I dedicate my life to becoming a great artist, and I manage to become one by the end of my life... I won't have time to become something else. I'd have run out of life. Would greatness come at the expense of the joys and comforts of an ordinary life? Would I be so tired from all my efforts by the end of life that I wouldn't care as much that I'd only accomplished what I'd accomplished?

What if I worked hard at becoming a successful ordinary person, and I got the comfortable house, the cars, the loved ones, the vacation time, the home theatre, etc? Could I be happy longterm with such an ordinary life? I think I would always regret not trying to become great. I would feel guilty that I took more than I put back in to the world, that I just sat back and relaxed and let other people entertain and progress the world. I would feel as if I settled for ordinary because I gave up on becoming great, even though that might not be the case. I would always envy those who've achieved greatness and who were able to use their greatness to do more good and to inspire and influence more people than I ever could as an ordinary person.

Assuming I will be around for at least another 50 years, what do I want to be at the end of my life? I feel I must decide soon... or be doomed to live a below-above-average life.