I am never home.

I was home briefly yesterday... long enough to see that Pedro returned. Not long enough to say hi or happy birthday to him. The only reason I know it was his birthday is that it's written in on the calendar in the bathroom we share.

Yeah, I avoid my roommates. I feel bad walking out of the house several times a day, always in a hurry, seeing one or two of them sitting on the couch in front of the TV in the living room by the front door... never inviting them out to dinner with me or to the places I go... rushing out with a hurried, "How's it goin? See ya later."

I wonder if they're as conscious of my absence as I am of it. I wonder if they care that I'm there so infrequently. Are they disappointed that I'm not more social than I am? Or do they not expect more from me... 'cuz I haven't known them for as long as they've known each other, or 'cuz I'm the oddball or the misfit of the bunch, or 'cuz I'm Asian?

It seems kinda too late to say happy birthday, but I should just do it... if I see him at all today. Not saying anything seems inconsiderate and avoidant, and sending him an e-card seems equally anti-social.

*Sigh* The awkwardness at home continues because I'm unwilling to put out an effort to change things...