It's the end of 2005 (the year that saw me turn 30)... and also the end of this blog.

Yes, I've decided to move on from here. So much has gone unsaid for too long.

Happy New Year!

I can't seem to dress myself older than 25. I've tried to shop for more age-appropriate clothing. No success. I'm at my wit's end... and I'm cold because I don't have enough weather-appropriate clothing either.

I'd be wiling to pay someone with a good eye for style to help me buy new clothes.

I've been obssessively watching Su Lin and Tai Shan, two panda bear cubs, on their respective Panda Cams (Su Lin - San Diego Zoo; Tai Shan - National Zoo, Animal Planet).

They're the most lovable and adorable creatures EVER!

If you have spare time or screen space, you should check them out. You might end up watching them all day long, like me. If they're sleeping when you first get a peek at them, be patient. They move around a lot when they're awake, and it's well worth waiting to see them in action.

SOOOOOO CUTE!!

This is too much.



Waaaaaay too fobby.

These are the mascots for the 2005 Olympic Games in Beijing (article). China chose to put 5 cartoon faces forward to the rest of the world. Why can't China just let Japan be the cutesy Asian nation?

And what do they call these over-the-top mascots? "The Friendlies" !

"The animals were introduced as Bei Bei, Jing Jing, Huan Huan, Ying Ying and Ni Ni — which, put together, translates to "Beijing welcomes you!"

I'm embarrassed. I'm not Chinese. I'm American. You remember that!

I don't disapprove of the mascots entirely. I think China should keep the panda mascot, and get rid of the other four. The panda's a cutie.

I'm planning to see Europe for the first time in May. I'll be travelling with Babe. We'll probably only have time to visit just two maybe three countries. Italy and France are top priority.

I know so little about Europe. Though the trip is more than a half a year away, I've started looking online for info to help me come up with a rough itinerary. I need to do this now, this early. I need something to look forward to.

Lately, I've been viewing the world through other people's pictures that they post online, on websites such as flickr. I'm often as intrigued with the people who photograph and create the pictures as I am with the pictures. I imagine what these photographers' lives are like... especially what it must be like to see beauty in so many more things, to capture it, and to create such beauty from the things the rest of us perceive as ordinary. I so envy them. We live in a beautiful world... but apprently, it is more beautiful for some than for others.

I noticed that a number of people take and post pictures of themselves. At first, they seemed vain and vainglorious to me. But after seeing quite a few itneresting self-portraits, and after having an interesting experience with my pictures last month, my feelings about self-portraiture changed. It seems less egotistic and more like a kind of metaphysical exercise, a notch deeper and possibly even more fulfilling than self-exploration through other's pictures. You are both the photographer and the photographee. (Hm... there's something almost erotic about that.)

So now I have two immediate reasons to learn photography. First, to be able to extract more beauty out of the world for myself (and I'd like to be able to do much of that while in Europe). Secondly, to be able to photograph myself as a means of leaving my mark on the world and on my own soul. I would try to get good at photography, and would buy myself an expensive digital camera, if but to do the latter.

My softball team won our first game of the season on Monday.

We played against the other worst team in the league, and beat them by one run. Some of my teammates were excited and encouraged by this win. Am I? Nah... Beating the losingest team is not winning. It's just saving our own asses from being the losingest. We definitely need more practice.

I've managed to not miss any softball games after the night I did something like pull a muscle in my leg. (I didn't see a doctor to find out what actually happened. I have a habit of rushing to the internet first for information on anything and everything. After hours of obsessive googling, I find none of the info I really need. All the evidence points to a slow and painful death 30 days from onset of my symptoms...) The leg still hurts a little when I sprint, but it's much better than it was the night I injured it. I took an Advil before bed that night, and four days later, I was running again.

I've realized that I have gone through life with relatively little physical pain. I guess most of us have. It's hard to revel in that when others around me are ailing... and they like to tell me about it.

Of course I feel bad for them. I also feel overwhelmed. I can't grasp the pain they feel. I can imagine it... but not really. I know that in most cases it's not their fault that they're less healthy and strong, but can't help resenting them when they verbally share with me their physical limitations and ongoing pain... which becomes my emotional pain, as I deal with an inability to empathize and the awkwardness of being unable to really help them, and as I struggle to be a good listener and think of the right things to say.

I'm not callous. I'm just not a doctor.

Yet another one of our friends hit the big 3-0 last week. Babe and I got him this t-shirt:



I wish it was sold in women's sizes. You know I'd totally wear it out.

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!



Me (angel) and Babe (convict) at a party in Hayward on Saturday