I know I'm better than this.

I feel crushed by the competition due to not enough ambition and a lack of motivation and interest on my part.

I feel like running away (yet again). But, of course, running away is just a cop-out. Just like death. It won't really get me anywhere. Anything other than staying right where I am now and facing the music is a cop-out.

Am I going through something? Something typical for my age and gender? Or species in general? Later-20s crisis? Not really a crisis. More like a transition of sorts. The transition to ordinary or great? Or the transition from girl to woman who wants to get married and have some children to nuture?

Is the problem that I'm resisting the transition? I don't think I am. Is it fear? Probably. Well, it always is.