I can't be alone. I can't be without someone, a close companion.

I have never learned how to be alone. I have not been alone much within the last 10 years. Before then, I was never able to do it without breaking down. And before I was ever alone, I always had someone close...

Now I fear it. I fear the day I am alone again. I keep thinking I need to learn how to be, ahead of time... so that when the time comes, I'll be able to survive it and live through it successfully. I try to prepare myself for that day. Whenever I try, I fail.

I tried last nite. And I cried last nite... because I couldn't do it.

I hate having such a vulnerability. Not being able to be alone is a glaring weakness. But aren't we all allowed a few weaknesses? Maybe this is one of the few I should allow myself. I shouldn't be ashamed that I'm unable to be alone.

Would I become a better person if I was alone or learned how to be alone? I've told myself before that it's a waste of time to try to learn how to be alone if I never have to be alone. Maybe I'll never be alone again.

So I'm back to where I was... I can't be alone.

I am not alone. And I am happy not alone. Why rock my own boat?