Today was a bad day for arms for me.

I went to the mall during lunch to try to exchange something at Forever 21. (I waited until I'm about to push past my 20's to start shopping at that store.) I've only bought a few things from there so far... a $5 tank top, an $11 black top for clubbing (almost went on Fri night), and the $13 thing I want to exchange for something else. I was thinking of getting one of those smocked tube tops that were trendy this summer. I tried on a few in size M, but they fell off my chest. I need size S. But not having a big rack to hold up the size M tops didn't bother me as much as seeing myself sleeveless from the side. It's in store mirrors, not in the tiny sliver of a mirror I have at home, that I see my arms for what they really are... BFAs.

I have Big Fat Arms. Big Fucking Arms have I.

There would be no clothing exchange today. I quickly got out of the mall, and back in front of my laptop. I immediately IMed Babe about wanting to lipo my arms (I have seriously considered it). As usual, Babe sent me comforting lines about how "They're not too big. They're just not stick thin." And as usual, that helped me feel a little better about them.

Then, after work, I went to hula. While we do our steps, the instructor goes around the room and points out things that people are doing wrong and works with them to fix their problems. Sometimes she spends quite awhile trying to help those people. Lucky for me, she doesn't put me on the spot often. She might correct me once or twice class, and it's usually in the form of a one-liner, such as "take a bigger step". This time, when she came around to inspect me, she told me to move my arms and shoulders more toward the front. She added, "Do you lift weights?" Heavy groan on the inside. Why did she have to pick today, of all days, to ask me that?? I answered, "I used to." She said, "It looks like it." I went back to how I was feeling earlier in the day.

What made her think I look like I lift weights? It had to have been my damn big arms. But I don't lift weights! And I don't think my arms even look like I lift weights. I think they just look big.

Why are they so big anyway? I think they've been that way since I was in high school. When, if ever, I work them out, I just use light resistance on the machines at the gym in an attempt to tone. I don't know what else I can do. I'm not even sure I can make my arms any smaller. And there's really no way to hide them. Combined with somewhat broad shoulders, they make me feel as if I look un-feminine. And the way they look makes me feel un-feminine at times.

Well, I'll keep on trying to do something about them. BFAs. Someday, I probably won't care about them anymore. But between now and acceptance, there will be bitchin'.