Wednesday

9:41pm.
Blogger is down. It's been down all day. Damnit.

There is a spider in my room. I let it drop into the trash can a few mintues ago. I just checked, and it is no longer in the trash can. Where is it??

9:49pm
Crying baby upstairs. Just stopped crying. Had been screaming for 30 minutes straight.

9:51pm
Baby's crying again.

Another bug, not a spider, is making its way across the floor toward me.

Babe isn't here. If he was, he'd kill both the spider and the other bug for me. I can't do it myself.

I just dropped Babe off at the airport. He's visiting the place he called home for the first 20-or-so years of his life. I won't see him until I get back from Alaska.

July 7. Seems like ages and ages away. 12 days = 288 hours = 17280 minutes without him.

10:06pm
I got parts of two of my teeth filled today. It took me a couple of minutes to get composed before my uncle stuck my gums with the needle containing the anesthesia.

I'm so grateful to my uncle, my dentist. I completely trust him. I always barrage him with questions about what he's about to do and how much it will hurt to eliminate the element of surprise which is more disturbing than any pain that I feel. If he tells me I won't feel a thing, I believe him and relax. And I really don't feel a thing.

I suspect my uncle administers a double dose of anesthesia just for me, just in case.

Today confirms that my fear of needles and anxiety over unexpected pain still exists. I don't have a low tolerance for pain. Once I feel the pain, and it's just what I expected, I'm cool and I can take it and it's no big deal at all

Damn bugs are everywhere! Get the hell out!!!

10:30pm
I've been doing work for the last hour. I didn't get any done during the day (of course, 'cuz I worked from home), and I got an email from my manager that sounded like he knew I was doing jack shit. I have to remember that I'm replaceable at any time. I'll work closer to my potential for the next couple of weeks.

11pm
Still working. After tonite, I might not have any work to do for the rest of the week.

11:20pm
Another thing I'm worried about seeing and feeling and hearing about all next week is my brother's unhappiness. I'm afraid he will depress me. Thinking about him gets me down even when I don't see him, or when I see him for a couple of hours on the weekends. It's his inabilty to deal with the world outside of his comfort zone.

I'm dreading the above in addition to watching my parents do and say the silly and pointless things they do and say in the name of God and their religion. It's going to drive me insane, I already know it.

11:45pm
I'm so bored. Already. I'm hungry too. I won't eat. Maybe I should just go to sleep now and figure out what to do with all this time to myself tomorrow. Man, I'm going to bed pretty early.