I went home to visit my parents and brother on Sunday. I haven't been visiting as frequently since January.

Mom and I always assume the same positions to talk about the same subjects each time I visit. She takes the chair by the desk in my room, and I lie down on the futon. She doesn't always bring it up right away, but makes sure to bring it up before I leave. "At the end of the day, all that matter are your soul and your relationship with God." I love my mom... but when she starts with the God-talk, it's all over... Time for me to head back to my home away from home away from home.

She will never quit.

I tell her the truth. It pains me to say "I don't know" when she asks if I believe. I'm clouded over by heavy thoughts and doubt for hours.


Mom still makes me feel like a child. "Have you thought more about going back to school? You know, daddy and I are more than willing to help you with it this time around." Most of my cousins on my mom's side who are around my age are still in school... postponing their emergence into the real world until as late a date as possible, while dorming and dining and dressing and whatever else on their parents' fat wallets. Mom frowns and shakes her head when I tell her I'm a lot less interested in learning than I am in earning right now... that I enjoy selling things and have been thinking about opening up a shop or store. "Your daddy is a slave to his business." Another thing she always brings up...

It dawns on me every so often, though it really should be no surprise anymore, and I've said it a bunch of times before, that I am becoming my dad despite how purposefully I tried not to be when I was younger. I wonder how proud dad is of creating mini dad...