Another day... bored out of my f*cking mind...

Natural interests... I have but one big one. It's MUSIC... and most things associated with it. Music has always been a central, pervasive, and indispensible part of my whole life. All I ever really want to do or be able to do is listen to music, make it, play it, sing to it, dance to it...

So what's my problem? I can listen to music when I'm not at work, when I'm in my car. I don't have much of my own collection of cds or mp3s. I'm too frugal and never really ever home to collect and listen to my own stuff. I can play one instrument well. Er, could. I stopped playing the piano, and my skills have gone out a window. I don't really feel like getting back into piano. I haven't picked up a new instrument because I'm daunted by having to start from the very beginning... All I really want to learn to play is the guitar. I don't have a guitar, and I can't get one. And I don't want to get interested in it and give up on it soon after because I can't learn as fast as I'd like to... now that I'm old, and it's hard to teach an old dog new tricks. It's too hard to create music. I feel I need more of a background to start... need to know more music history, diff genres, instruments, etc. I'm overwhelmed. I need to look for somewhere to spend for affordable, yet quality, dance lessons. I'm overwhelmed by that task too...

If I had a second natural interest, it would be transforming plain and ugly things that aren't mine or that I didn't create into better-looking, even beautiful, things. Like, decorating a friend's room or house, giving friends makeovers, editing...

All I do right now is self-deny and whine... and play poker. So yeah, hopefully, one of these days, I'll get so bored and so frustrated that I'll either kill myself by way of drugs, or finally get over the obstacles that stand in the way of me doing the things I really want to do...