At Starbucks, I usually order a tall frap, coffee or chai latte.

Yesterday, I ordered a grande non-fat chai latte around 7:30pm, before having dinner. I found out that I can't do Starbucks grandes... at least not on an empty stomach. I start trippin'.

I went to a networking mixer with my grande non-fat chai latte in hand. I went to another one of these mixers a couple weeks ago. Figure I really need to meet new people in the right industries who could possibly help me move in the direction of pharmaceutical sales, or something better. There were supposed to me more females at last night's mixer because it was a joint effort with a Korean women's group. Apparently, the group was a no show. So I just saw the same dudes I met at the first mixer.

I was nearly bouncing off the walls at the venue. A couple minutes after I arrived, I was already sweating. I was made fun of by several dudes for holding a caffienated beverage instead of beer or a mixed drink. It's my budding career at stake. I won't let a cosmo or two ruin it for me. A few people wouldn't let up about it, even after I tried to explain that they really don't know me, and wouldn't want to know me after I start drinking... wtf? This ain't Drink Club! Leave me alone, and go find yourself another lush!

If I learned anything from the last mixer, it's that they can be pretty loud and frenzied 'cuz there are dozens of people trying to get their words in with each other, and maybe also with you. If you're female, you become an oasis for people to gather around. I was nervous about conversing with new people in a big group setting, and the caffeine just made me feel worse. I get distracted very easily. It's hard for me to focus on a single thing that's happening. Conversations are hard to follow. I don't know which to join or continue, when so many are bombarding me at once. I don't know how to leave them gracefully when I should or when I want to. I feel as if I can't breathe. I get dizzy. Big group social situations are stressful for me, even without the extreme jitters from too much caffeine.

By the time I made an early, ungraceful exit, I felt as if going into sales might be a bad idea. I hadn't met anyone that could really help me. And it feels cheap to be attempting to jump on the bandwagon this late. I mean, I really didn't realize until recently that everyone and his/her friend is trying to get into pharmaceutical sales. Where have I been all this time? Probably somewhere on the internet... I'm still going to try to get into sales. The new endeavor is keeping my mind occupied.

After the mixer, I headed over to play poker with the usuals. It felt good to hang out with people I've known for awhile. Gave me a chance to come down. But I was still wired three hours later when I went to bed. I couldn't get a good night's sleep until around 5-6am, and not before having a few strange dreams that I could physically feel.

In one of the dreams, we were being force-fed pot by people who were supposed to be our friends. They sequestered us in their home and cooked and fed us the pot-laced meals. We were high but sick and upset all the time. We wanted to come off the drugs and escape the house, but couldn't 'cuz we were so wasted and weak. Physically, I felt the same way I feel when I'm on Nyquil... the twisting and turning and swirling of thoughts and images in my head...

Damn Starbucks' non-fat grande chai tea latte...