I thought I would read a little before going to sleep last night. Picked up a friend's Time magazine. Could not bring myself to read it.

I went on Amazon this morning to find out how slanted other people found the magazine to be. I was glad to discover a lot of other suspicious and annoyed and repulsed people. I'd like to know what they're all reading instead, or how else they choose to learn. Where do they all go for the truth?

Over the last couple of years, I have become increasingly suspicious and avoidant, but not phobic, of all things written... especially news, history, and other things presented as facts through all means of communication. I've pretty much stopped reading books and watching TV, except to be entertained. Luckily, TV offers a ton of entertainment these days, so I'm still able to enjoy hours and hours on the comfy couch in front of it. There's also the internet, from which I tend to believe just a little bit more, and from which I am able to derive a sufficient amount of entertainment as well.

Although I've felt a lot cleaner without filling up my mind with false facts and crap knowledge, I've also been feeling quite in-the-dark. Sometimes I wish I wasn't like this... that I didn't demand the absolute truth, that I could settle for less if that's the most I could ever have. How did I become like this? Perhaps it has something to do with being forced to accept the Bible and other Christian propaganda while growing up. Even all the history and biology books at school were written by Christian authors. As you can imagine, those were very thin books.

Absolute truth is elusive, most likely unattainable. And not dropping pursuit of it is keeping me from learning anything. The question is no longer "what is the truth" but "would I rather be widely educated in fiction and crap, or widely educated in nothing at all?"

Maybe now I would rather fill up on crap, and be able to talk crap with everyone else, than be completely clean, yet empty and silent. Maybe the truth really doesn't matter, and isn't necessary to determine meaning and purpose and all those good things that people strive to find for life. Maybe all that matters in this life is that I'm kept entertained and happy throughout.

Yeah. I'm deciding to go with that last maybe.