I've always preferred to suffer alone. Maybe not always. Maybe I just learned to suffer best alone while forced to do so on my own as Jennie the child. Maybe that's the only way I know to do it.

When I'm feeling sub-optimal, I tend to retreat from the masses and avoid friends. When the situation is particularly dismal, I try to push the closest friends away. I feel like running away from all that is familiar. I end up hole-ing up in my room at home, unashamed to assume the dejected posture and to let out the tears when no one else is there to see them.

I'm too proud and too kind to have the people I care about most see and put up with me when I'm depressed, especially when I'm not handling the situation gracefully. It's bad enough that they know I'm down, and it's worse that I know that they feel obligated to deal with my issues alongside me... and are most likely not enjoying doing that.

I wonder what would happen if I just did a 360... laid down my pride and sympathy and let Babe take on my unhappines and flustrations with me, as he would voluntarily do.

At least the lows of nowadays are a lot lighter than the lows of the oldendays. I'm able to smile and laugh heartily even while depressed. I've got DepressionLite v1.02.

It's the tax thing that's bringing me down...