Another day of being sick... And while I lie in bed, back on Nyquil, head swirling and body numb, all I end up thinking about is how much I've changed, how much what I say here has changed since last year... and how the thing that never seems to change is my obsession with my body - my skin and my weight.

In the absence of other important or urgent matters to settle or goals to pursue, there's always wanting and trying to look better. Doing what I can to stay strong and on top of the game, keep my chin above at least average, and combat the signs of aging that I'm not gonna deny or ignore...

I'm sick of thinking about how I look.

I think I'm losing sight of how I really appear... how I come across, on both the outside and the inside. Am I becoming unattractive? Am I also losing depth? I'm starting to bore myself; am I also starting to bore others? Maybe so, and maybe because I'm satisfied. Skin and weight aside, I feel good. Much better than ever. I'm always aware of that, even when I'm down. Like I am right now...

I want new thoughts. I want a new passion.