I gave it a cursory thought, and I think I know what it is.

Close to the beginning of the month, it started sinking in that it actually sucks to be single, especially when one can help not being single.

I realized that I'm not having fun doing whatever I'd been doing... not anymore. I can't have one foot in both worlds. I need to stand in one or the other. No more pretending. I will not be used. I will not be anyone's lay-over or sideshow, something to tide them over until their next fling or relationship.

I do not want to be alone. But I don't want to frolic within a sea of hollow, mindless, heartless bodies.

Three weeks of bitterness is enough... I don't want to be bitter anymore.