Three months into singlehood, I have moments of weakness in which I feel as if I'm fighting a growing inner pull toward settling down. I know that I don't want to settle down now, but I feel as if I should at least be planning to now. I dislike the feeling... but some days I can't seem to avoid it. Especially on days I'm thinking about the trouble of meeting new friends... I worry that my current social-interaction difficulties may cripple me in future, when meeting new people - or meeting the one - becomes a high priority.

Sometimes being single seems like the best thing since sliced bread. Other times, it seems like I'm just in rehab... and that it should end when I'm cured of all the ill that being addicted to going-no-where relationships has caused. And that after rehab, I should be ready and willing to enter into something good with someone good-for-me that will take me gracefully and regretlessly into the middle ages of life...

Sometimes I feel as if I'm not making the most of my singlehood, and that maybe the reason I'm not is that I really don't want to deep down inside, whether mentally or emotionally, biologically or physically... Maybe the things I've wanted to do for so long, that I thought being single would "allow" me to get away with, aren't things I want to do anymore... or aren't what they are cracked up to be. I don't know how well I could take going without a body to touch for weeks on end... but I realize that kissing and sleeping around probably won't pave an easy way for good things to come to me in the future.

SO. As of this moment. I've decided to end my hard stance of "not looking at all", and to begin opening myself up to more possibilities...