It's one thing to forget the facts of events of the past. It's a whole 'nother thing to forget the feelings... Up until now, I've taken pride in my success at mentally recording precisely how I've felt during most events in my life, though the details of the events are often blurred or gone from my mind.

Last night it happened... and it was frustrating and disappointing, trying to access feelings I had during specific times in my somewhat recent past, and not being able to do so quite as well as usual. I tried to get to them from different angles... I asked questions to try to jiggle them free from the tangles. I felt as if I was fighting a mental/emotional block, a protective wall standing between me and those feelings. Why weren't they burned into my mind as well as the others? Would they do me more harm than good to retrieve? Or were they simply never there, never real?

This morning, I realized it really isn't so important to be able to recall how I used to feel. What matters much more, of course, is my awareness of the here and now... and the definitely real.