I've realized I really don't want a conventional life. I have been trying to make it my goal to achieve at least the ideal/standard American life... to follow these steps: Start developing a career as soon as possible out of college. Aim to settle down. Find one suitable partner. Buy a house and marry. Procreate and cultivate a family. etc. Right now, I don't really want to do any of those things. However, I feel compelled to do them, and to want to, threatened by future regret if I don't follow now. What would it take to make me want that kinda life? Hitting 30, will I be forced to come back down from this cloud?

I want to do something different with my life... live unconventionally. Not 'cuz I feel that I've already fallen behind, and I've given up. Not just 'cuz I need a break from the 10yr-cycle. I feel so unconventional within. I do not feel destined for wifedom and motherhood, etc. I don't know if I could be constrained to an ideal/standard American life. Would my true innerself always rebel against it? I can't picture myself embracing or accepting it... Later, I will probably look back and wonder how I could be happy living otherwise.