We get Playboy magazine at our place.

One of my roommates' former roommates didn't change his address for the subscription after he left. The three of us here share it now. Joe likes to say we fight over it. 'Course it's in each of our best interests to grab it as soon as it lands in the mailbox and check it while it's still in pristine condition.

Personally, I think it's not porny enough. Well, from what I've seen so far, there aren't enough pages of nakedness. Maybe less is supposed to be more? Doesn't work that way for me. And there aren't any really interesting, imaginative, action shots. I guess I shouldn't really ask for or expect too much from the magazine. (The internet has put these types of publications to shame. But if it's a buck a mag, might as well just add it to your collection of masturbation media.)

Or maybe it's just me. I mean, sure, the women in the magazine look gorgeous and edible, even though you're always aware that they've been retouched, airbrushed, enhanced. It's just that looking at them really doesn't do much for me these days. Now when I see pix of lovely naked ladies with huge tits it's just "oh she looks quite nice; i wish i had some of those of my own" and not "oh she makes me wanna touch myself."

I haven't really pored over porn in awhile. Thing is, I really haven't the desire to lately. And sometimes that bothers me... that I don't currently have people - in print, online or live - outside of my relationship to turn me on and get me off. If I had anything, it should be porn, right? It should not be other people in the flesh, right?

I always had something on the side in the past... even if it was just the opportunity to kiss and touch strangers while drunk at clubs. What if that is the only thing besides my man that could get me going now? Should I be happy about that? ...that my man is so sexy and I'm so attracted to him that nothing else really does it for me anymore?

Does that really bother me? (Maybe it really doesn't.) Should it not? Or should I be entitled to whatever can still do it for me, if he's entitled to porn? Is that not fair?